I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
