I love black thongs
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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