Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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