I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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