whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize