remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
