i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize