Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
