but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
