Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
