he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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