His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
