I feel great
I just peed on a car
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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