ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
