Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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