Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize