you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
