you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
