I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize