why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
