I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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