this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
