im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
