Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
