Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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