I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize