ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize