I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
