lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
