turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
