Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
