hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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