I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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