she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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