Your tits are I can't wait for
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
