i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize