Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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