dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
