How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
