lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
