i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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