She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
