Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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