The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
