Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
