1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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