I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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