my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
