Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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