I heard we made out
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
