do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
