Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We have started to decorate penises.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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