so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
