so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
