Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
