distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
