I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
