I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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