guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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