that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize