Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
