I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
