I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
