So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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