dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
