Michael Bay diarrhea
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
