well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
